ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
