Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know, be my cock's hype man.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
