Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
