im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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