you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
