I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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