Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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