I puked a lego.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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