I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
