I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
time to smoke my breakfast
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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