When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
