I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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