every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
