i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
