Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
