this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
