Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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