By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
