You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
