hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
