mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
