you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
