After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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