Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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