I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
