Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
