What a fucking waste of an outfit
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
