i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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