don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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