If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
