I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
