don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
