My hair reeks of homosexuality.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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