Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize