Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
