I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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