Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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