Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
