Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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