What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
