apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
