Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
