I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
