He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
NoShamevember. You game?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
