there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize