Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
one two three fourrrrnication!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
