I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
then he tried to convert me to islam
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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