Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
