Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
