i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
that's an acceptable place to lick
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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