I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
