I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
