I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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