A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
