my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
