So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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