girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
this is an emotional support booty call
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize