You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
