hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
