Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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