ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
