He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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