I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
