The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
