i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
