I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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