If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
