So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
