Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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