Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
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