Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
