I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
