a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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