So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I use my feet as sexual weapons
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
