I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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