I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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