he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
