filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He passed out mid-signature
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
